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Wednesday, April 18th, 2012
10:43 pm
Yes, it is funny that we still have this thing! I don't even know who reads them anymore. I still always check livejournal, maybe just a habit.

Since the last time I wrote, I broke up with Brian a month before he was suppose to move down here - just couldn't do it. Not meant to be. Not him or me. I like my space. It will probably be decades before I ever want to truly share it with anyone. Unintentionally always the heart breaker, just too passive, whoops, sorry never wanted it in the first place.

I now work in a Special Ed class at an elementary school and I love it to pieces. I am either going to get my Masters in Special Education or go back and get a second degree in psychology in order to become an ABA (Applied Behavior Analyst) specialist. (And eventually get a Masters and PhD...I love school and learning and editing papers!)

I might go live on a farm in June. I just need to save enough money so I don't have to work for that month. Live in a tent, learn how to farm, and restore an old cabin from the 1800s. Work with my hands, hands in the dirt under the sun.

Anyways, thats about it. I am loving the country life. I love the scenery and my front porch. I love the quiet. I love the absence of people. I love the overwhelming presence of animals and nature. But I do want to move somewhere in a year. This is not where I was suppose to end up but it was exactly what I was looking for. My feelers have always been out and working, can't wait to see where I end up next. Just getting closer to how I want to live my life.

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Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
4:15 pm
"She felt as though everything were beginning to be double in her soul, just as objects sometimes appear double to over-tired eyes. She hardly knew at times what it was she feared, and what she hoped for. Whether she feared or desired what had happened, or what was going to happen, and exactly what she longed for, she could not have said." -Anna Karenina

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Wednesday, January 5th, 2011
2:10 pm
Nothing like three days of being sick and stuck inside to make you feel totally miserable and lonely.

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Friday, December 25th, 2009
11:08 pm
Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade
Don't tell me not to fly, I simply got to
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade
I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum
And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir
At least I didn't fake it, hat, sir
I guess I didn't make it
But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection
A freckle on the nose of life's complexion
The Cinderella or the shine apple of its eye
I gotta fly once, I gotta try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?
Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see,
I gotta have my bite, sir.
Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade,

I'm gonna live and live NOW!
Get what I want, I know how!
One roll for the whole shebang!
One throw that bell will go clang,
Eye on the target and wham,
One shot, one gun shot and bam!
Hey, Mr. Arnstein, here I am ...

I'll march my band out, I will beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it, hat, sir,
I guess I didn't make it
Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer
Nobody, no, nobody, is gonna rain on my parade!

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Monday, October 5th, 2009
5:14 pm
Rough day.

First day of my one and only French University class, on the Renaissance. It was so over my head. I couldn't understand anything and all the sudden everyone was signing up for things and I blindly signed up to give a 20 minute presentation on a painting I don't know the name of or of the artist because I couldn't understand the professors accent. I felt like I was having a panic attack. I physically felt terrible and all I wanted to do was cry. Especially moreso after I went and spoke to my advisor at Reid Hall she said it was my fault because I didn't look at any other courses. And she is 100 % correct. I put all my eggs in this class's basket and now all the other classes have started and I can't switch.

She said my only other option was to speak to the director of the program about being excused from taking a university class. I would feel so terrible because its my fault that I would need to be excused and I would just feel really, really embaressed. I don't know why I just felt so incredibly overwhelmed and emotion, I was on the brink of tears the entire time speaking to her.

Section II of the class is tomorrow and if its anything like today I am just going to talk to the director. To make my day just a little shittier I get home host mom says that tonight is not a good night to have dinner, and she would rather switch it to Tuesdays. I said okay. But Tuesday was better for her because they had a whole bunch of people over tonight. Maybe they needed the extra chair.

Other than this hooplah Paris is getting easier. I love all of my classes at Reid Hall. And I am going to start doing research for the curator at the Met soon, which I am really looking forward to. I had a fun, crazy drunk weekend and met new friends.

I am going to go make some soup now, my family's guests fiiiinalllly left.

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Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
4:08 pm
I wish my first post since arriving in Paris would be an excited and beautiful one but I am pretty sad today. Paris is hard. I know it will get easier but for the time being my french is terrible, I am having the worst time sleeping, I don't like anyone at school and I am really sick today. I had to leave the Museum we were at early because I just felt terrible.

On the flip side, Paris is beautiful. I had this image in my head of Paris and of my future apartment and of the cafes...and its exactly it. It is that beautiful and charming and historic. I could spend all day at the cafes; the cafes where all the chairs face the street so you can people watch from any seat. My family is really great. I pretty much come and go as I please and we have dinner together twice a week, very french - cheese and wine after dinner.

I'd rather not write about Paris when I am so sad - it doesn't deserve that, so I will wait till another day.

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Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
1:44 pm

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Thursday, August 28th, 2008
8:23 pm

Click on this now! Hemet, CA on perezhilton.com

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Sunday, May 18th, 2008
11:55 am
So life in the apartment is good. Very weird though. Last night Gooey and made some Mac and Cheese and drank some beer, sat in the kitchen. Then around midnight it was like "Well...I guess I'll go to bed..." Its just a little lonely right now. But Christina is going to come out Wednesday and we are going to get dinner, I miss her. And I don't have any time to go explore Astoria, or go to the park right near us, or go buy a dresser because I am working 7 days a week (And still only have 13 dollars in my account...Hm...). But I really do love the place, we have more furniture now. I got to sleep in today which was nice, but then we knows what we will do tonight. I think we're going to buy some weed, the delivery service around here is known as "The Presidents", we personally order from Kennedy, some choose to use Nixon or Carter. I think its funny. Haven't talked to Sean in a while. Looks like we're not going to get married and live happily ever after as I had previously thought. Humph.

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Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
9:21 pm
"Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives...and to the "good life," whatever it is and wherever it happens to be."

Stolen from Martina. I love it.

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Saturday, March 15th, 2008
8:56 pm

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Thursday, July 26th, 2007
2:09 am
This is what I get for sleeping ALL DAY LONG. I didn't show and get out of bed until 7pm and here I am. I want to drive out to Palm Springs tomorrow and see some movies but I don't know how that is possible when I am wide awake at 2am. I watched some movies, painted and now I am going to read the dictionary or something.

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Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
3:58 pm
Ah, so three days off. I slept in until 2...and now I have nothing to do. I'm too lazy to do anything, I don't really want to read, or watch TV or shower so I can go somewhere, but I don't even really want to go anywhere, so I'm here.

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Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
1:31 pm
My College Class Schedule

Monday 2:30-3:30 Intro to World Religions
5:50-7:10 Art History

Tuesday 8:30-9:50 Quantitative Reasoning (Math. Boo)
1:00-2:30 Logic and Laughter, Writing Seminar

Wednesday 1:00-2:00 First Year Mentoring
2:30-3:30 Intro to World Religions
5:50-7:10 Art History

Thursday 8:30-9:50 Math
1:00-2:30 Logic and Laughter, Writing Seminar

Friday 8:30-11:20 Intro to Film and Video

There it is! I was going to try and get Friday off, and have no classes before 10am, but its okay. AND I can't sign up for French until I take the placement exam, and I have to wait for someone to drop to get into a spanish class. So hopefully I can add those two other classes when I get there, and all will be well!

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Sunday, June 10th, 2007
1:24 am
I'm going Sea Dooing tomorrow.
I want to be in New York.
Finally I was able to snag the Passion Tea after work today.
I can't wait to sign up for my classes.
I'm going to do some laundary now.
(Or put some pictures on MySpace.)

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Saturday, June 9th, 2007
5:38 pm
So highschool is (basically) over. And it really doesn't feel like it, you know? The only thing that gave me a tinge of 'I don't want to leave' is talking to all my teachers. I talked to Mr. Smith for over an hour and I just realized that I wont be able to go back and talk to them all, tell them about a new book or movie I saw. But as for the whole highschool experience and seeing people everyday, meh, I'm okay with leaving it all.
Because...I want to get to New York. Its this weird...thing, I don't know, I feel like I need to be there now and I just can't wait, I look at the site and I planned all the classes I want to take, I picked them all out of the catalogue and I will be amazed if I get any of them, I sign up for them next Tuesday.
But times here are good, everything is just going good. Last night we went and saw the 'Fab Four' at the Ramona Bowl and it was just amazing, they looked and sounded exactly like the Beatles and it was the best night. Lilly and I went with Dave and his daughter and we danced the night away. I felt the night peak when they played Revolution and we were down by the stage dancing. Friends are wonderful, I am just so happy and content with Gabe, and I think about leaving and New York so much, but never really in regards to leaving my friends and Gabe. Its going to hurt too much to actually face it in August, so I will just leave it all for then and enjoy the now.
Martina and I also leave for France in a little more than a week, and I'm extatic! Its the same feeling as needing to be in New York, I need to be in Europe. I almost feel like I want to go to New York for a year and then study abroad the second year or something, I need to be out there in the world! I can't wait to see Versaille and Chartre and buy bottles and bottles of wine and Champagne, staying out until one in the morning walking on the cobble stone streets and attempting to speak french all the while.
Starbucks is really fun, I actually enjoy my job, I don't really want to go today, I have to work until 1am and I am already a little bit tired. But thats that.

So, things are good.

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Monday, May 7th, 2007
10:47 am
Ah, I just love days when you feel like you're crazy and all you want to say is 'I LOVE my friends', reading through everyone's LJs I remembered my good weekend. I haven't worked in forever but its been completely worth it because I've spent my entire time, not studying and being with my friends and Gabe.
Martina and I flipped through some French last night...but uh, thats about it. What happends, happens. Quoi sera, sera.
So, I love my prom dress. I love our sexual restaurant.

First AP test in one hour...ahhh. Je ne prete pas.

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Saturday, April 28th, 2007
10:16 pm
Woo for no pants parties(gatherings)!

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Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
9:57 am
What a weekend!

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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
11:45 pm
I have an interview with Starbucks Monday! Wooooo. I am going to sell my soul to that interviewer. Work has been a bitch allll week long. Starbucks must take me.
So tomorrow is Senior Ditch day, I am going to first period then hopefully a nice day in Idyllwild. I really shouldn't be missing more school, but I am going to work like crazy Saturday and get everything done. And then I hear something about the ol' Crown Vic' for Friday night, hooray for weekends.
I still haven't unpacked from London, heh.

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